before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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