atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My bed smells like the plague
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
