Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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