You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
