dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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