We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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