guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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