I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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