I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
