Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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