you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How drunk are you?
Completed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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