you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
