i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
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