No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
