On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
