Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
