what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
