I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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