yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
