This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
