No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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