this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How naked do you want me to be?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
