whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
