If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.