Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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