my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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