don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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