dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He kissed a someone with a penis
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
there is puke in my bra ... again
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