i need an iv and a liver transplant
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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