The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
