Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
