you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
