People in love make me want to vomit
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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