Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
