Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
