eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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