I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
