Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
