She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
