so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have aggressive nipples.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
