this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
