Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
