I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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