I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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