I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
