Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Is it because I queefed?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
