Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
