1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
