Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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