I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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