Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
