Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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