i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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