sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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