i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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