once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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