im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
