We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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