God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
