You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
