Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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