Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
