Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
