My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
