Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they're like a gay fantastic four
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
