thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
