i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dicks are not precious.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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